I’m having a hard time putting together thoughts on this that aren’t dripping with contempt, so I’ll just say the only moments in it – and maybe of the entire series – that I actually felt were worth the price of admission were the final ones with Q. (Even if it bordered precariously on being over-sentimental, close to fan-fiction.)
This was bad. Really bad. Good, or even marginally great individual moments here and there. But the sum total?
Get the fuck off my bridge.
Well, here we go.
Yes, we saw the recap where the Queen said the prophecy, too, Jean Luc. Like, 10 seconds ago.
Oh geez, we couldn’t resist doing a “‘Voyage Home’ step into the transporter beam at the last minute” trick, huh?
You don’t think they got the idea for a Gary Seven crossover because of the… rocket launch… unngh.
“We can’t control who we lose”? I mean sometimes, sure, but we’ve had whole episodes about how it’s a Captain’s job to sometimes end people to their deaths. That’s just “feel good” gobbledygook.
Adam’s blurting out his attack plan to the computer as if he’s on a 24rd century starship. 😆
BUT IT’S A RECORDING. 🤣 Hard mustache-twirling action!
So Soong’s going to go so far as to make a fake recording KNOWING they’ll show up at his place, yet the actual hardware he’s using to carry out the attack is still there…?
Oh wow, they’re actually calling that out. But… it’s still there. Unless it’s a last minute “best I could do” scenario.
Christ, Adam is so punchable.
So how did Raffi become the computer expert and not the ex-drone? Also, no weapons? Couldn’t have destroyed the drones?
Guessing “Renee” is a hologram. Chekhov’s Ears from the other ep? :P
Soong gave her a stink-palm.
Rios just flying fuckin’ drones around. Wee.
CALLED IT. 🙄
Glad that neurotoxin works the same on Romulans as it does on humans.
Well, that was wrapped up quick. Plenty of time for speeches though.
I guess that means we just have Q and the Soong kid’s plot to wrap up in the next… 20 minutes? Ish?
OH NO A REST API
Support your local libraries.
100% FILE DELETION CONFIRMED. If only rm -rf reported it like that.
PROJECT KHAN. This show is as subtle as a sledgehammer. (June 7, 1996, for those playing at home.)
460 Lowry Ave, Los Angeles, CA.
Oh, fuck off, Wil.
oh god this is so awful
so so so awful
Yeah, this is going right in the canon trash bin.
“How does money work” – can we stop this nonsense trope about Trek not understanding money?
“I am dying alone. I do not want that for you.” – god, that’s just right on the border of being too schmaltzy. But it still stirs emotion in me. 😭
So Q fucked up the universe so Jean Luc could allow himself to get laid.
“Even gods have favorites, and you’ve always been one of mine.”
“What about Elnor?” “Who?” HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
Oh, fuck off Raffi.
CALLED IT. And there goes all the hopes for a Rios/Stargazer spin-off. I’m fine with that. Fuck this universe. Let him be happy.
So Q’s dying and he doesn’t have his powers, except he does? Or was a lot of this an act? I really can’t tell.
I’ll admit, everything with Q here is beautiful if a bit fan-fictiony.
So hold up; what was the point of Q trying to pull Renee off course? Getting Adam to run him over? Doing anything with Adam?
And Picard and crew needing to be sent back 2401 is what ultimately kills the already-dying Q? If he didn’t time travel to fix the problem, would Q have some more time left? Etc, etc. Whatever, I don’t care.
WHOA, AGNES IS THE BORG QUE-- of course it was, no shit. :P
Oh, so Rios is gone and I guess Jurati? So they literally went on a side quest in-between the seconds…or…?
“Must it always have galactic import?” – apparently.
Aaaaand there’s our Captain Seven. A low-level fan theory pops up to the top.
Goddamned Q indeed. 😡
Guinan posting spoilers…
So the “good” Trek universe is more or less a timeline violation from multiple angles.
I will never get over how we’re supposed to actually believe in a relationship between Picard and Laris.
I wonder who we’ll kill off in Season 3? The entire TNG cast, maybe?
The DVDs of this show really need to be buried in the desert and forgotten.
Well, 80% of that was just playing hide and seek (as advertised) against Borg with a really bad “day-for-night” filter and green laser pointers, but that other 20% was as good as the first two episodes. A decent fan theory panned out, surprisingly.
I’m also itching to do a recut of this series down to a 2-hour movie. So much of this is just giving them something to do to kill time. I don’t mean this episode, but the whole series.
It wants to be like The Voyage Home so badly, but most everyone in Kirk’s crew had something to do that was critical to the plot.
Kirk and Spock obviously had to track down the whales.
Uhura and Chekov had to collect particles from the ‘nuclear wessel’ to time travel back home.
Sulu, McCoy and Scotty had to acquire a chopper and convince the guy – hold up, that wasn’t Stuart Pankin? – to build the transparent aluminum walls for the whale tank.
Everyone had a role. And that role had direct consequences for the success of their mission.
All Seven, Raffi, and (sadly) Rios did was get into some shit and have to do rescues and action scenes to… well, what DID they do? Other than give Warrior Queen Jurati her inspiration to be nice. (And force a reason to both remove and insert Elnor into the story.)
This is all super weak, but the fate of Picard’s mother was actually shockingly decent. Though, fuck me if it actually somehow plays into the finale with Q and Renee. (Remember Q…?)
And I do very much enjoy this new interpretation of the new Borg. It’s kind of the next logical step past Hugh. The Queen might be a bitch, but it’s nice to deflate the cartoonishly evil vision of her into something more nuanced.
Imagine if the whole episode – or series – had been full of interesting things like that.
Still, one more episode to pull a miracle out. I’m not optimistic, but I’m a little less skeptical than I was before I pressed play on this week’s ep.
Let’s see where it goes, I guess. :P
From the “previously on” recap, the proverbial “forks in the road” according to Queen Agnes last week, (I’d missed these):
One leads to [Adam Soong] bringing humanity back from the edge of extinction (or he dies alone…?)
Renee Picard either boards a spaceship and makes a discovery that renders [Adam’s] work obsolete (or doesn’t).
Considering it’s been silly, yet canonical that assimilated Borg tech turns “green”, I have no leg to stand on when I say the green beaming effect is, well, rather silly.
Agnes in the buff! Woo!! 😜
Aaaaaand that pretty much seals the “2x01 Borg Queen is Agnes” theory. :P But how is this forthcoming battle in any way compelling if… well, let’s watch and find out, I guess. 🙄
Ah, the Queen hacked herself up a decent deal on some green laser pointers from Amazon.
So many laser. Such stealth.
Ah, the ol’ fractal encryption trick.
HAHHAHAHAA are you fucking kidding me? HOLO-ELNOR. 😆
We’re just never going to see beam weapons again, are we? :(
In true movie/TV tradition the cybernetically super-enhanced drones can barely hit anything, even with laser pointers.
No, wait, Rios got nicked because the plot needed (?) him elsewhere. Surely complete chance, considering he had several green dots on him before that. :P
Yeah, could you imagine the damage SHE would inflict. Yeah. HER. 🙄
Rios knows how to operate Tallinn’s crazy tech. Sure, why not?
All the laser sights turn off. Everyone relaxes (before Adam speaks at least). I mean, that keen Borg collective mind could have just DONE THAT to lure them out and then just riddle them with shots, but nah.
I’ve seen 1950s sci-fi flicks with better “day for night” coloring. This looks so bad. :P
Why the hell are they acting like they’re defeated just because Adam showed up? He’s even aware you could unload and kill him, but threatens you with worse if you try…? Is this a fire fight for the future or not?
I have a feeling Adam is secretly terrified and will turn on the Borg. The “unknown variable” thing is probably a hint. But probably not.
Nope. Definitely not. At least not until next week when his ‘daughter’ is threatened, wherever she is. Probably next ep.
These Borg flashing high-power green lasers around while “seeking” Picard and friends is bordering on extreme ineptitude. I know it’s one of those style-over-substance artistic choices that looks great on screen… but it’s kind of difficult to suspend disbelief here.
HOHO! One DID turn his crap off. Though he just Kool-Aided through the door, instead of, say, blowing Seven’s brains out. So it’s not a complete upgrade in tactics.
The couple that impales together…
Perfect bead on Jean Luc’s big crusty, eggy melon with a super bright green laser and they still can’t cap him.
Adam just yelling “PiCaAarrrRd!!” into the night is hilarious for some reason.
If desaturated blue is your favorite color, boy do I have an episode for YOU.
CANON ALERT: Janeway went to bat for Seven joining Starfleet, threatened to resign.
“We’re not getting out of this.” – I love Seven’s pragmatic view on life.
WHY ARE THEY RUNNING OUT INTO THE FIELD DOING THIS LEEROY JENKINS SHIT?
WRITERS: You’re treating the Holo!Elf like he’s actually Elnor. I know you thought that was clever, but you’re making some major, awful implications about security for anyone who steps foot on the fucking ship.
Rios not only knows how to operate Tallinn’s equipment but has the skills to try and hack “the subroutines”. Sure, dude.
Oh, so tricorders contain an entire emergency room full of tools now, eh? That’s… actually not a terrible idea, if it had a holographic emitter. That would be a reasonable progression of the technology,honestly. But I doubt it went that deep in the writing process. It certainly wasn’t shown on-screen that way.
Man, Adam is REALLY smug. 😆
Oh no, is this going where I think it is? 😨
Don’t cocktease the reveal, man, this is twice you’ve done that now.
Apparently Holo!Elf has a portable emitter… but that tech came from the future, thanks to Voyager… so did Voyager still happen under the Confederacy…? Was that the EMHs emitter, or did they reverse engineer the technology? Questions.
“I’ve missed you, Raffi.” – No you haven’t, you were literally birthed from nothing an hour ago from a copy of the last time you were alive. I mean, I’m just extrapolating from what the show told us.
“I share the recollection of Elnor’s final breath” – big, big, big fucking security implications. Literally nobody from the military would be able to step onto that ship. Like an Admiral, for instance. Or a Borg Queen. Or all those fresh drones.
You know, for a couple of people hiding in the basement from Borg drones you’d think they’d be a bit quieter.
Yeah Holo!Elnor, you hold off those heavily armed mercenary Borg grunts with your sword and silly pose. Well, the computer is simulating his lameness pretty well, at least.
It’s a non-green beaming effect, so you know it’s not the Borg. Thanks Picard, I couldn’t have known otherwise. I’d been like “Oh wow, the Borg are beaming themselves off the ship?!”, but you had my back.
You fucking beamed them into the walls of the tunnels under the building!!! Did they even know about them? Or that Picard was down there?
I can’t lie. Warrior Queen Jurati is straight-up SMOKIN’. 😍
But she’s also ridiculous – let’s fight a hologram and totally ignore hitting it’s emitter. I know the decryption key is “in it’s head” but pounding on the hologram is surely only going to wear YOU down.
Oh, NOW she can Dr. Octopus it off him. 🙄
Holy shit, she ripped Seven’s guts out.
Oh hey, they took the day-for-night filter off. FINALLY.
“You can’t be sad forever.” – hahhaha, challenge accepted. 😩
I can’t say the road they’re taking with the Borg (of this timeline at least) isn’t interesting. This was one of the fan theories. Borg + Jurati = 2x01 Federation-joining Borg. Face hidden because it’s literally Jurati’s face and normal Jurati is there, too. Fair enough. I like that idea, tough. The desire to grow and advance fed through cooperation instead of raw domination. Taking a tougher but more sustainable path for the long term. Like an overly aggressive virus having to become less lethal to survive. That’s clever. 👍
I also enjoy the idea of the Borg constantly needing to ‘fix’ the timeline because someone always ‘comes after them’ and defeats them. I’m not sure if they said that exactly in the ep, but it tracks.
“Let’s build a universe of Sevens!” – Yes. Please. Or Jurati’s. Or both. Plz?
“What if your future was here, and it was always supposed to be.” – yeeeeeah, he’s staying.
Rios beams EXACTLY where and when he needed to be to shoot the baddie. 🙄 Better yet, the other guy starts pounding on him and Jean Luc and Tallinn just stand there with their dicks in their hands.
Explosive DNA gun. Convenient.
YOU GAVE HER THE EXACT SAME IMPLANTS?! HAHAHAHAHA.
Dude, Picard’s mother’s fate is seriously fucking DARK. I commend the show for committing to that. 😑
Ahh, they addressed the “old lady” vision of his mother from TNG! That’s pretty good, really. Well, as far as unnecessary revisionism goes. Glad they at least remembered it.
“The future will have no need for a Borgslayer.” – that’s kind of a great line.
Welp, looks like you’re stuck here, Rios. How unfortunate. Or is it FUN-fortunate?
Oh, you’re just going to gloss over the advice of a superior being that can see the timeline, eh, JL?
Don’t mind the bloody cuffs; maid doesn’t arrive until Tuesday.
Oh yeah, let him have that power by looking intimidated.
Opening credits letting us know Q is showing up this ep. About damned time. Or have they always done that and I just missed it because I skipped the opening the last couple eps?
Just how the hell long have they been hanging outside that “dive bar”?! Or is Jurati just breaking windows at bars all around town?
Go through all the operating systems, Rios. All of them.
Did Raffi call Seven ‘loose’?! RUDE.
Big, red beard?
So did Jurati do a half-assed job on the security system? FBI guy says Jean Luc is “one of six known trespassers” at the Europa Gala. But as far as the security system was concerned, they were legit.
Thanks for the exposition, JL.
Oh right, Kore’s subplot.
OH GOD, a fucking HOLOLENS? You picked one of the most recognizable, silly looking real world devices as a sci-fi prop?? 🤣 Like, I’ll admit I give Picard a harder time than other shows, but this is truly fucking silly looking. We live in a world of 3D printing that could create ANYTHING, and you trot out THIS as a prop? This is objectively worse than that time they used an undisguised 3D printer as a 24th century replicator back in S1.
Operating system: VR V3.1, for those keeping track. 97.6 FPS.
“Patience, mon petit.” – once again forgetting the whole French thing was more for Picard than just Q’s character. But I guess if you do it enough, it makes it come true by default. :P
Okay are those actual items in the world, or not? He’s a “simulacra” but he’s also picking up objects and those objects are ‘flickering’ to indicate they, too, are fake, but… jesus christ.
“That’s a human genome!”
Holy shit SHE’S JUST NOW GETTING THAT SHE WAS … what the fuck was she WATCHING all night? She’s not terribly bright, I guess.
Q droppin’ off some drugs.
Just a dead body layin’ around. Ugh, CLEAN UP THE STREETS, Los Angeles.
“Could you be a little less happy that I’m defective?” – Thank god someone finally smacked Raffi down. She’s been incredibly irritating all season (and Elnor getting slabbed has long stopped being a reasonable excuse).
Wait, can Seven can smell cell phone batteries? They didn’t explicitly say that, but…
HAHAHAH THE QUEEN’S EATING EVERYONE’S BATTERIES
Yeah! Take out Raffi! YEAH! GO AGNES! GO AGNES!
That dress is awesome. I mean, it’s got that neat red metallic pattern.
Back to sitting around with Picard and Nu!Guinan.
“You know who else went to a clinic? Hitler.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA oh holy shit they paid off Rios’ use of the sarcastic “just reveal the plot” trope? But also: they took it seriously enough to record it??
“…a crusty old admiral…” – hahaha
AND THEY PAID OFF NOT PICKING UP HIS BADGE AT THE CLINIC. 😆 I mean, we just kind of assumed Seven and Raffi recovered it after tracking it and we just didn’t show it on-screen. So now Seven and Raffi look like fucking idiots. Again.
Rios, just take the ship and go find a nice 24th century planet to settle down with them on. Might as well.
“Four cakes!” – the computer generates four random cakes. Is that default behavior? Get vague: get something random? Eeh, alright. Also: “THERE ARE FOUR CAKES.”
She sniffed the cake. :)
I love them. 🥰
KISSY KISSY 🥰🥰
I love that we’re just dumping secrets by the gallon to the clinic doctor and her kid but the FBI guy is visibly losing his hair over being denied details. :D
FBI guy is full of shit, I bet.
“The summoning is a sacred ritual!”, bellows the fancy-dress Q in costume as (another) FBI agent.
Q’s dying. What a surprise. 🙄
“Humans. They’re all trapped in the past.”
The Kore story line better go somewhere. We’re basically about 10 steps ahead of it while the characters catch up.
Incredibly surprised Soong didn’t chase her, considering he’s that unhinged.
Fuck off, Elnor.
Ahaha, Raffi you’re an asshole. But an asshole to Elnor, which takes some of the edge off the scene, but still.
Points for at least trying to explain why she’s been such a jerk. I mean, we kind of knew why, but the details are nice.
“Am I dreaming, or is this a nightmare?” - I keep asking that, myself, Adam.
GHOST GUINAN hahahahahahahahah what the fuck is THIS?!
Yeah yeah, kid saw some Carbon Creek shit in the woods and grew up paranoid of aliens. NEEEEXT.
Maybe beaming him out while mid-meld is what turned him into an idiot.
Yeah yeah, Picard is like the FBI guy, both haunted by imperfect memories. NEEEEXT.
Thought for sure Picard asking for help was going end in credits. Seemed like a natural break-point.
Quick flash over to Rios to let us know teleporters are down. And then back to Picard. Weird.
Guess Guinan’s free now.
Now the FBI guy is a good guy.
But… he’s the one that captured them in the first place, I mean… oh, whatever.
I really like makeup-free Agnes/Queen’s mixed sarcasm. Go ahead, assimilate everyone.
Sooo… gonna… do a fighty thing next week on the La Sirena. Wee.
So that’s how you turn what should have been a 10 minute “let’s summon Q and get some explanation about what’s going on” moment into a whole-ass episode.
They coordinated a net trap while talking to the sea devil for a second? I mean, they do show them in the background ever so briefly, so… alright.
These things are SUPER silly looking. Even for Doctor Who. Modern Who, at least.
Not only are they silly looking, but they… don’t move their lips, and do like Wheeljack does where some shit just glows and it represents them ‘talking’. What a bizarre throwback of a design.
Oh, okay, okay, I had to pause and go look. These can’t look THIS bad by accident. And sure enough, I was unfamiliar with Pertwee’s Third Doctor adventure, quite literally “The Sea Devils”. Alright. Fine.
Sure, let’s abandon Dan centuries away in this VERY TRUSTABLE time machine that literally got pulled off course by a stray geomagnetic anomaly. ;)
Oof, some bad stunt man work when that guy gets tossed over the the ship. You can see the actor grab the edge and pull himself over. Not quite Luke Skywalker on Jabba’s barge, but geesh. ;)
Steven King burn outta nowhere. Damn.
WHOA, what was up with that time vortex animation? That was cool. Looked like almost caves of time. That was neat.
Not really into the whole relationship thing they’re trying to pull with Yaz. I wasn’t crazy when they tried to do it with Amy, either. (Even if I do love me some Karen Gillan.) Just doesn’t feel right. The Doctor/Rose stuff was pretty great, though. But that just clicked with the right combination of actors and writing. Natural chemistry after a looong time together, I think? Just haven’t felt anything like that on-screen since then.
Pullin’ out some nice visuals in this ep.
Who doesn’t keep an ear in a box?
We’re on a surprisingly long bit of exposition once we get underwater.
A gem with infinite powers, you say? An Infinity Stone, you might say?
What about the TARDIS? I guess we’re going BACK on that ship at some point…
Okay, it’s the Soul Gem. (Soul was orange, right? Or was it yellow?)
Told you we’d be back on it. But… HOW?
The Doctor is doing a LOT of heavy lifting on the exposition, even for this show.
“Don’t let the swords touch your skin.” – advice you can use even in real life.
“Is it always like this at sea?” – how awkward.
Dan just slaughtered five sea-pugs at once after we got done chastising the other guy for killing one dude.
“Yeah! Hopefully. Probably. Definitely. One of those.” – my favorite kind of Doctor dialogue. :)
Despite being a surprisingly simplistic story, it still feels like this whole “will they won’t they” nonsense is something we don’t have time for. But I’m betting it’s planting seeds for the next episode.
Ah, I see.
Aaaaaaaaaahahaha. Thank god THIS guy is with us to pop in out of nowhere and save the day. 🤣 He was kept alive specifically so the Doctor didn’t have to do the Heroic Sacrifice thing. Just pops into the shot like the Kool Aid Man and takes the cable. No argument from the other two.
Hey, an ocean view without a dramatic sunrise/sunset – how quaint.
I think “Our Flag Means Death” has made me less judgmental of pirate ship scenes taking place on a set.
“I can’t fix myself…” – shit, I thought this was like an “I’m dying” thing, knowing this is her last couple eps of the series.
The Doctor’s reasons for not getting “fixed” to someone is the same reason I wouldn’t choose to have a pet again. (Probably.) And that’s kind of what it would be like for a time lord and a human, honestly. Except their “pets” last at best 80 years, not including the 15-20 years before they’d meet them.
Next ep looks crazy. Could do without the Master, though. I really don’t like this Doctor’s version of The Master. The guy is WAY too vicious and cartoonishly unhinged for my tastes.
I’m always interested in seeing how they handle the regeneration process, though. Smith to Capaldi was jarring and sudden.
Not fantastic, but not terrible. Inoffensive is a good word. Shame she’s leaving; she finally feels ‘comfortable’ at this this point.